I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
