What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found the puke drawer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
