I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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