In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
