After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize