birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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