I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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