Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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