We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Floor bacon is actually really good
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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