thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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