My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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