my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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