I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
