If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
bring money and cleavage
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
