she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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