The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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