R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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