That's intense
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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