The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
