She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
