Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
