Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Michael Bay diarrhea
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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