Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
