dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
