dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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