How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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