After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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