You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
