I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
