I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He passed out mid-signature
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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