dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
