I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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