Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize