You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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