Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
