i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
