it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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