I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
