Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
