I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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