I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think your dad took our porno
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
