everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
