I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
