Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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