My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
