4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
