I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
