I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
