Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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