just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
