You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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