yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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