I have demons in me.
I smell stomach acid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.