It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just cropdusted the office
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize