Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
