I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them