Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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