Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
