I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
