hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
