Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
